he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
