watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Michael Bay diarrhea
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
