my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
