i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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