if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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