After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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