You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
