I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
