So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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