Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
