ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
