I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
