508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
