She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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