Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't turn off my feet"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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