im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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