My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
