I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
