why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
