Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
