Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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