it hurts more in the daytime
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize