I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
