I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
