She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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