At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
