Kiss
Puke
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
