That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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