i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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