Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
