Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
