He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I met the friendliest cop last night
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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