You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize