took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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