And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That's how pantless uber rides happen
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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