she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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