There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Someone signed my nipple.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
