More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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