So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
