chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
