I want to have your abortion
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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