that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
