yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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