I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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