I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Say something about gay babies.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
