"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
