I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
