I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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