They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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