her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
