so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
