Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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