Apparently you make a good broom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
