In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
