...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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