Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
