I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize