Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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