did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
