'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize