The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
