ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
