no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
