it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
