listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
