my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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