Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
