Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
