i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
