i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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