I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
