Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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