I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
