I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
