Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
