You're my little dorito
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
