ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
