Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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