if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
