I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
