WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
