What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
