I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize