well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
