"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my being single is dangerous.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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