I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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