she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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