Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
