I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
