i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
