Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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