No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
