you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
